Commitments

It really makes me wonder. When will things like "commitments" and "responsibilities" stop plaguing me. Why can't I be like most other people. When I say I stop doing something, why can't I stop there and then. Why do must I finish stuff at hand. Why can't I just throw it to the next person. Come on. This kinda thing happens all the time right? So... why can't I do that? At least that will stop some people around me from asking questions like "I thought you said you gonna stop? why are you still doing it" It's strangely irritating. Hmm... Damn.

Hmm...

Ok.. the topic was chosen b'cos I can't think of anything else.

Went for course yesterday. Guess I was contributing to some people's sadness come early July. *evil* Met some seniors that I haven't seen in ages, thanks to course exams. Hey... Andy Sir, WQ Sir, Viz Sir, Vivian Ma'am and Ruixian Ma'am... and of course Jolene... THANKS the help. *grinz*

Had a terribly tiring day. Don't know why. Didn't do much, I think. Er... did a leeta bit of teaching and demonstrating... did a leeta bit of examining... did a leeta bit of explaining and "yes yes.. sorry sorry"-ing... 'cos got lectured by a parent. Sigh. Yupz. Our fault lahz. Dragged on. Sigh. Ooo... I 4got. I mailed my NUS stuff too!

Okiez.. so what else is there left to do? I've got to go get myself registered for the camp..gotta meet the person up to pay money.. gotta find time to spend with some people... Ahh... realised that I haven't been seeing many people lately.. Should do something to remedy that.. before I become bz bz wif Uni stuff... yupz..

Ooooooooooooo... Andy sir knows my secret! Hrmph! Wonder who told him. Hmmm........ aiya. NVM.. I trust me.. (I don't have any other choices, do I?)

Decisions

Met up with Mel and JF yesterday. Hmm... it's been quite some time since I last saw them. Made some decisions yesterday also. Hope I won't regret. Yupz. It's kinda tough. But I think it's for the best lah. For the sake of my studies, I think it's worth it. Moreover, I think I'll be happier too. Haven't been really happy for the past 6 mths. Maybe it's for the best. Well, made my choice. Shall stick to it. HRMPH

Just got my NUS reply. Got my first choice. Somehow, I'm not on top of the world. I wonder why. Sigh. I'm even more worried now. Got into the fac, will they gimme the major I want? Argh. Tough. Should I still go to Otago?

Seniors

In the past, they were a bunch of people we drat facing every Saturday afternoon. I remember that as a cadet, I used to look forward to course, to see my coursemates... but once the bus (or cab) approaches the course venue, I'll have the weirdest feeling all over. I felt like vomitting, as if all the lunch I just ate was poisoned. I wanted to run away. It is crazy! "OMG, I will have to sit through 4++ almost 5 hours of hell!!! Oh no! What if Sir/Ma'am scolds me!! OH NO!!!" Yupz, almost 5 hours. Course never ever use to end on time. And it's even worse if I'm Course IC or Section IC or Group IC. Sheesh! Unless you have been through this, you can't even IMAGINE! Back then, instructors had no idea what "friendly approach" was. No coporal punishment... but ya.. SCOLD SCOLD SCOLD... Haha. I can still remember, during sec 3, I attended a course. Just because some coursemates forgot to greet the instructors... we had to copy a 4 page document on "Methods of Paying of Compliment" I'm sure those of you from RC have seen it right? Yupz, had to copy it out by hand.... can't remember how much I copied..but I'll say it's over 10.

How things have changed. Now, I'm an instructor. The same bunch of people that made saturday afternoons of my life terrible are now my senior. The first time there was this change in relationship was in late 2000... SWOC'00 camp. Just imagine the bunch of people that used to shout at you being nice and friendly to you... late in the night asking you if you wanted supper 'cos they were going out... if you wanted coffee 'cos they were making coffee. Of course, as the most junior, we offered to wash ah... make drinks ah...... we knew then, that we were no longer cadets... but it wasn't easy to change.

To those of you out there who don't understand... As cadets, we could make fools out of ourselves. We could play, jump, run, scream, shout, cry... anything. No need to bother about image, ya? Haha. All that changed the moment we became instructors. Have an image to keep up, you know.. Of course we had enough common sense in us to know not to do things like screaming at our seniors, having a quarrel with our batchmates, using vulgarities... and especially not to do these things when the cadets are around. But ya.. we were blur.. toot.. we simply didn't know what was going on! Thank goodness our seniors were around to guide us. They didn't hold a lesson on "Dos and Don'ts of newbie instructors" or "How to be an instructor" because they know that certain things can only be learnt through experience. They left us to make our mistakes... (well.. they were around to make sure we didn't do anything too drastic...) then they will tell us "you know.. just now, you shouldn't have done this.. because........................ you could have ............... instead" Once, I was commenting about something one of the new VIs did and the person talking to me said "you should teach him what to do and what not to do" Makes me wonder... were we, the IFCs of 2001, once as CMI??? Well, haha, we asked our seniors and they said no... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but erm.. in case they were just being sensitive and nice.... "Ma'ams and Sirs, if you're reading this... :) Er... did we do anything to help increase your blood pressure?? hee... Look on the bright side!!! None of you will have low blood pressure... *wink*"

I don't know if in other departments, senior-junior relationship was like that of my dept.. but I know that what you can find in a district is very different. I guess that's because of the lack of interaction b/w instructors of a dist... they don't work together as much.. Comes from the nature of what they do... most VIs are stuck in their own units most of the time... as a current sch-based VI, I'll say that it's not my cup of tea. Sheesh. Loner's job. Definitly not mine. Due to the re-structuring, I'm afraid the senior-junior relationship I had will soon disappear for good. Guess that also means that certain standards will be compromised... anyway.. "Thanks mom!!! Thanks for not giving birth to me 2 yrs later. *muackz*" Yupz, I'm the 2nd last batch that joined b4 the restructuring...!!!

To all my department seniors, here's a bunch of Thank-Yous that's very very late...

Thank you... for your guidance,
Thank you... for being so patient,
Thank you... most of all... for being such wonderful seniors... for being there...

Sirs and Ma'ams, THANK YOU.